Saturday, August 4, 2012

Women's Intuition - Infertility and Motherhood

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As Mother's Day approaches I understanding it timely to share out of the lowly fantastic stories about becoming mothers. Both my experiences are unconventional and with each child woman's intuition played a vital role guiding my journeys to motherhood.

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Sometimes planned sometimes not, many women say they know the moment their children were conceived. It wasn't that easy for me. My husband and I tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant plainly and finding ourselves in a predicament sought out a gynecologist that specializes in infertility.

My first choice was a female physician for determined reasons. Our preliminary consultation included discussing options, discrete procedures, and a corporeal exam. The exam was foretelling and the first indicator that something was off. This was the wrong physician for me. I remember wondering how a woman could treat other woman this way, especially an Ob-gyn! She probed and prodded with minuscule association to me lying vulnerable on her table. I was mind blown. But the time clock was ticking away. I was thirty seven years old so I tried to cut off the need for her expertise from my personal feelings. I spoke with my husband who tried to look on the sharp side with me and we decided to proceed. On the day of, I was very anxious. The understanding of finding this physician again made me nauseous.

I prayed and calmed myself focusing on the outcome, conception. I spoke with the nurse casually before the physician came into the room "Do many women conceive the first time?" I asked. "No" she answered flatly. "Some of the doctor's patients have been trying for years." "Ugh" I understanding gagging back tears. I had a profound feeling like some had assaulted me directing the second blow to my womb.

The policy was unsuccessful. Are you surprised? Sad as it is to say this was fairly predictable... A fire began to rise in me. My instincts were in an uproar. Aside from what seemed less than optimal odds I began to challenge the doctor's methodology. Much of what she did seemed contradictory to the laws of nature, like swabbing the birth canal with Betadine solution and inseminating straight through the cervix. But without medical knowledge I set these more than uncostly doubts aside and opted to give her other try.

Was I lucky in the second round? The riposte is no and yes.Shortly after the second dissatisfaction I met a friend from the dance skating club that I belonged to, for lunch. One thing led to other and we ended up discussing infertility. As luck or coincidence or synchronicity goes, I learned that she had also struggled conceiving and found a fantastic physician who worked his magic helping her deliver two wholesome babies! Of policy I got the name of her physician and made an appointment.

To say this physician is my hero is an understatement... I knew the minuscule I sat down with him that I was in the right hands. I shared what happened along with my instinctive reaction and intuitive thoughts about the former doctor's proceedings. Without passing pro judgment he implied that my points were very valid. "Will you let me try one more time before you put me and my husband straight through more widespread testing, I asked?"

"Certainly, I am willing to give it other go" he said.

Ten months later; one to get ready and going, I gave birth to my son. "You are my miracle mother" the doc said. "No, I followed my instincts and intuitions and you honored these" I replied thanking him profusely.

Two years later I felt the indescribable desire to advance our family and mother other child although I had serious reservations about getting pregnant again. I am Rh negative and the condition risks are much higher the second time around. I was also in my forties and these realities dissuaded me.

We traveled to the east coast that summer and went to a family reunion. I mingled with cousins I hadn't seen since childhood and met new cousins. Somehow I found myself immersed in conversation with a cousin and his wife who were inspecting international adoption! Was it other fantastic coincidence or something more profound? I was fixated listening to them talking about how they'd come to this decision.

And once again the fire within me rose. When we returned to California I began production phone calls to international adoption agencies. One door opened which led to other opportunity and systematically the idea became a reality. There were snags along the way; the path was not seamless. But the momentum kept rolling forward. I was damned and carefully feeling invincible just like I felt before I conceived my son. My daughter was in my arms within nine months; an astonishingly short estimate of time given that the political atmosphere in Vietnam had changed. Some of the adoptive families who adopted children from North Vietnam never received their babies. My daughter is from South Vietnam and was also one of the last babies to leave Vietnam before the country complete foreign adoptions in the mid 1990's.

Where there is a will there are many ways!

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